Sunday, February 21, 2010

size matters ..... to you

Ruler - Wooden; No "Inches"Image by Biking Nikon PDX via Flickr

That size matters blog struck a nerve because it made me think back to the day I realized I wasn't "packn". It was something I had never thought or even cared about & then it became an obsession. I even took a poll of ex's friends & even female family members & what I was told was that there can be too much of a good thing & for most of them as long as a guy met a minimum size requirement that they were not too concerned with how big he was. "Give me 6-8inches" seemed to be the average of what they wanted as a minimum. It made sense because I had read an article once that said the average woman only needs about 3inches of penetration to orgasm. Now if that were not true there wouldn't be nearly as many lesbians out here as there are right..its mostly fingers & tongues with them anyway. It seems to me that most women like a "big" for bragging rites unless they have a toybox for a vagina & then in that case they need the extra pipe but I think back to what a "big" friend of mine told me.."these girls beg for a big dick & when I give it to them they spend the entire time telling me to take it easy & squirming & pushing on my stomach so I can't get too deep..its frustrating". My cousin told me for her anything over 5inches is big & it's all she needs "to get me where I need to be". Now armed with all that info I still want more than the banana I've been issued which is good for hitting a G-spot but only if the woman is on top. Plus my wife informed me after some interrogation that I was the smallest guy she's ever been with..I was CRUSHED!! I suggested to her that we should just hold hands & hug passionately from then on.Yeah yeah I know she still married me but like you I read that blog too which said women that insert 4 fingers have a cave & coupled with my lack of size my wife is the queen of the 4 finger club. DOOMED I TELL YA!! My only saving graces are stamina & an oral technique that I've perfected that I call "the Russian" & it like the sun in the sky has never failed ever & I advise all of my small sticked brethren to get & perfect a technique quickly or hit the lottery. I'd hook you up with my cousin that I mentioned but she just got married. You'll hear more about my bizarre sexual journey to this point in the future & I'll bare more of my shame which is about 7inches but it's difficult to measure with that banana curve of mine.

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Thursday, February 18, 2010


Citi Field during the dayImage via Wikipedia

I had signed a petition recently & used my sisters home address. It was a petition to try to get the U.S. government to act on the horrors going on in Congo. The people are being killed left & right because the land is so mineral rich & there is really no central government to reign in criminals who are raping the land & everything on it. Well I got a response from Senator Barbara Mikulski & it really shook me & I quote " Thank you for getting in touch with me to express your support for the Congo Conflict Minerals Act of 2009 (S.891)

I share your deep concern for the Congolese people. Almost 6 million people have died since the beginning of the conflict in 1998. Conflict and the related humanitarian crisis in the Democratic Republic of Congo (D.R.C) continue to cause as many as 45,000 deaths each month. Because of its location, size, and abundant resources, the level of stability in the D.R.C. impacts the prospect for peace in neighboring countries and throughout Africa".

There was more but here's what stopped me 45,000..45,000 people every month are being slaughtered & it seems no one cares. That is a baseball stadium full of people that disappear off of the planet every month in one small country that unfortunately is in Africa which means very few will care & even less will help.Hey I got my new high def t.v. & my new stainless steel kitchen my kids are all nice & obese & I have a closet full of Bulgari I'm fine the world is fine. O.K. I'm getting pissed again. Hey when you go BMW shopping this weekend & the price is $45k say "Wow that's how many people get killed in the Congo every month it's a sign I'll take it"!

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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

get the sensation..

This is a nasty post I'm just going to let you know now. There has been a virus laying waste to my's some kind of stomach flu & me & my oldest niece recently came down with it at the same time & one of the symptoms is what my niece has called "peeing out of you're butt" & that is exactly the sensation. Drink anything other than water & BOOM right out of the tail pipe. It's as disgusting to perform this now week old ritual as it is for you to read about it but you were warned. So when you get this virus & you will I want you give my niece the credit she deserves when you describe to you're family & friends the sensation of "peeing out of you're butt".
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Sunday, February 14, 2010

How was you're Valentines Day?

Valentine heartsImage by tanakawho via Flickr

Well if you are single especially if you're newly single it probably really really sucked. But hey look at this way there are tons of people that "celebrated" or more likely undercelebrated their loveless relationships. And on top of that there were scores of people that got caught know they sent the wrong flowers to the wrong person or they lie to get out of the house so they can be with their lover & got caught. Tons of relationships torn asunder! There you go now don't you feel better? Yeah it used to help me too. You're welcome.
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Saturday, February 13, 2010

Pop Culture TIme..

For the Love of Ray J (season 2)Image via Wikipedia

Like many of you I got pulled into the whole "For the love of Ray J" show. Every week I was there in front of the t.v. thinking wow what a good guy he is ..hes just looking for love & my sister kept saying "he is a world class asshole he's not looking for love". Well I would hear none of it I kept watching and pulling for my favorite Mz.Berry & BOOM she won! I kept saying now now he's got a real woman Mz.Berry is just what he needs she is mature & gorgeous. But little did I know my sister was right. If you saw the reunion show you would know that the winner of the first show was there & told all I mean she blew his boat right out of the water ..the vale came off & so did the gloves. It turns out that the season 2 winner Mz.Berry has not seen him in 5 months but at least 4 of the other girls from the show have seen him & even the winner from season 1 who told all said he contacted her & they got together. Well needless to say he was pissed & ended up walking off of the show. He really pissed me off because I like a lot of others was totally turns out that hes not looking for love hes looking to pull off what few men have ever been able to..he wants to be a poonhound but be well thought of by everyone around him including the women. There has only been a few men that have been able to pull that like George Clooney & John Mayer come to mind first but they didn't go on national t.v. to profess what gentlemen they are and that there multiple vagina addiction was behind them. What a jackass & that poor woman who won now looks like a damn fool getting played by a younger guy in front of the entire country. Ok I've taken a breath..wait one more thing Ray J you are an asshole of world class proportions taking a dump on women that some guys would die for..WOW what an ASSHOLE
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Friday, February 12, 2010

What I love

hairy womanImage by samuenzinger via Flickr

Since were right here at Valentines Day let me tell you what I love..body hair on women. I think it's so sexy & my wife not being a really hairy person loves the fact that she can toss the razor. I don't know what I love about it exactly I think it's one of those things you're just hard wired to like. I have weir ed out many an ex with my no shaving request but they got over it & actually enjoyed the chance to be lazy & not shave. The women I have talked to about this seem to only really shave because of what other people think "eww it's nasty to have body hair" so they shave to please everyone else. I have always thought that guys that want a completely hairless woman border on pedophiles. I've changed my daughters diapers when she was a baby & don't want to relive that experience with an adult woman.
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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Gays in the military

Combat Outpost Copper Range TimeImage by DVIDSHUB via Flickr

Who gives a shit. Look I was in the military & let me tell you everything that's going on out in the "real world" is going on in the military. You have drunks deadbeat dads gangs & drug addicts in the military & you mean to tell me that a gay person is going to "affect the cohesiveness of units in the field" wow you have got to be shittn me! Gay people have been fighting in wars since there was a such a thing as war and doing it in a distinguished manor. Remember when african americans were not allowed to serve or women could only serve only as nurses or in admin positions? That sounds about right exclude a large part of the population for some stupid selfish reason. Look after fighting for you're life in a fire fight I don't think a bunch of guys are going to strip down and form a daisy chain back at base. Exclude exclude exclude it's the American way after all right well it's time to include those that have been giving their lives in war while holding on to their little secret behind closed doors a secret that could get them kicked out of the service or killed. Well hopefully the President & Congress will do the right thing & repeal this joke of a law ..the rest of the western world has been able to figure it out but as usual the Pilgrim mentality that Americans seem to be steeped in is holding us back. But maybe just maybe we'll do something right for a change. Like my mom said "they should be happy someone wants to serve their county hey I'm not going to war for this country so let someone in that will".
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Do you trust the Government?

Super NervousImage by andres.thor via Flickr

Did you know the artificial sweetener aspartame has been linked to brain tumors & in scientific studies on lab mice it actually ate through their brains but it can be found in just about every diet soda in the U.S. market. Did you know fluoride was used by the nazis during WWII to keep inmates docile and once fluoride reaches 96 degrees it turns into formaldehyde hmm & what is the bodies normal temperature..and on top of that were one of the few countries in the world that allows fluoride into the drinking water. Ever wonder why you're not supposed to let small children or animals use "adult" toothpaste? Did you know that GM during WWII used their factories in Germany to build vehicles for the German war effort and sued the U.S. Government for reparations after the war was over because their factories in Germany were bombed. Did you know that the CIA admitted to kidnapping people right off of the streets in the 50s & 60s and experimenting on them. How about this during the Nuremberg trials Hermann Goring said that "no society wants to go to war its up to the Government to drag them along & you do this by pointing out an enemy & say that we are under attack & anyone that stands against us you call them unpatriotic" sound familiar? Did you know that under the patriot act the Government can drag you out of you're house & hold you indefinitely for NO reason at all? Well that's all for now sleep tight.
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Friday, February 5, 2010

Good news bad news..

Ana's well-attended surgeryImage by interplast via Flickr

I just got back from the doctor & indeed I will need surgery for my back which eventually will mean I'm going to have to find another job because my current job is labor intensive & even with surgery I don't think I'll be able to do that job any longer. Now I had made plans..I had talked to a good friend of mine who is upper middle management at Sirrius/XM radio but she informed me yesterday that she had been laid off. I was shocked ..damn laid off from a 6 figure a year job. But to my surprise she was really excited about launching a new career & she told me that there were some shenanigans at work in her firing so she would be suing. She was really really excited hell she even got me were talking about going into business together. Well anyway as far as my procedure goes I won't find out until next month exactly what there going to do to me but it's looking like there going to remove a couple of disc replace them & fuse them to my spine SCARY!!!!!!!!! but necessary at this point. Now I'm off to enjoy the 2 feet of snow were supposed to get her in the D.C. metro area.
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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Healh update..

Broken HeartImage by Gabriela Camerotti via Flickr

I have not been back to the neurosurgeon yet to find out about my pending back surgery because of the weather here..every time I'm scheduled it snows & guess what I'm scheduled for this Friday & it's going to snow a foot here in D.C. starting that morning so who knows if I will make it or not. But I am going to see my cardiologist tomorrow. Now the last time I was there I had to run on the treadmill & after about 5 minutes the doctor got nervous & made me stop because my heart started racing in my defense even when I was in great shape in the military I could barely run then..hey I can walk the length of the east coast but can't run to the mailbox..I guess it's a mental thing. Well anyway to celebrate going back to the cardiologist I had a two burger dinner from 5 guys burgers & fries tonight & for those of you that have never been there if you order a small fry they give you a lunch bag full of fries & after a few minutes the bag is almost clear because of all the grease you can just about see thru the bag & yes YES I ate every last golden brown succulent potato they put in my bag..Now I will lower my head in shame & wait for the inevitable headache to come..that headache you get when one you're starving or two in my case you ate way too much. Wish me luck.....
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Monday, February 1, 2010

It's only one month so calm down!!

Scars of a whipped slave (April 2, 1863, Baton...Image via Wikipedia

Black history should have 3 or 4 months but there's only one & its the shortest of all the months..I'm saying this because I understand that there are those of you out there that are really upset because blacks have a history month..why why do you care? look black people have been mistreated for hundreds of years in this country and it continues today..look Chris Rock said it best 'black people are the most forgiving people on the planet" and its true.If white people were made to suffer the way black people have for as long as they have there would have been a race war a long long time ago but black people seem to only want to get on with life. The war for independence kicked off because a bunch of white guys got pissed over a tax on tea WOW imagine if their children had been taken & sold off ..My family and friends are like a benetton ad so I feel quite comfortable speaking on this subject so relax & continue to is that white people feel threatened by black people? On average white people are better educated and have a higher standard of living so how does the "they get everything" thing work exactly? I don't understand racism at all ..I don't get how white people respect science in every way until it comes up that a genome found in male blood has been traced from africa to both poles of the planet & everywhere in between meaning we are all cousins we all came from the same small group of people in when that comes up it seems some white people want to lynch every scientist in sight and every non white person along with them. Look after generations of black people being sold into slavery beaten raped castrated mutilated lynched burned alive etc...... being allowed to celebrate their accomplishments during the shortest month of the year I don't think is a big deal..hey it will be over in 27days & you'll have the remaining 10 months to resume you're supremacy......
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