Tuesday, May 25, 2010


A momentary lapse of madnessImage by anguila40 / Alejandro Groenewold Very busy . Sorry via Flickr

OK I am scheduled to have a procedure done Thursday. It's called an RF procedure & its an incision made into my back & a probe inserted that emits a radio frequency that is put on the problem nerve & burns it out. Now two problems with this one being it does not really fix the problem it just takes away the transmission of a pain signal to the brain & two after about a year or so IF it works it will need to be repeated in about two to three years max. I talked to my lawyer & let him know that if this does not work & it doesn't for over half of the people that undergo it that that will be the end of the road for me. If have been poked by epidural needles repeatedly & twisted & stretched & they only provide relief for about a day or two. Folks I have not worked since October 19th so after all this time I would prefer to just go to court & take a settlement from my job & go to school for another career because the only thing I am accomplishing right now is putting on more weight & getting more depressed. I have memorized the t.v. schedule of the local stations & every commercial that is aired on them. I have gone through my crime documentary phase & an internet porn phase & just about every other phase you can think of. Now I sit around wondering & trying to figure out what is it that I want to do as a new career against what will pay the bills. This is not a happy time in my thunderdome of a brain right now I mean I go from real optimism to thinking hey if I go feed the tree my family will be pretty well off because I've got a lot of life insurance & the company I'm with pays even if you feed the tree.But since I found out I'm going to be a grandfather thanks to my youngest son {19} I have to be there to enjoy that. Babies rock!! Just watching them discovering new sights & new taste is truly a great joy..hey have you ever seen a baby eat something like blueberry pie its a riot they seemed overwhelmed by their own taste buds. Well if you want to know what a typical day is like for me just go back & read the emotional swings & topics that take place in this one post. Ah to be young & insane yep that is how I feel these days like I am coming unglued.
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Thursday, May 13, 2010

Don't be silent

Dark HoleImage by Korphee via Flickr

A few years ago my wife had a stalker & that stalker later raped my wife & it took my wife every ounce of strength to pull herself out of total darkness & despair. There were times when I thought my wife would take her own life ..for awhile she didn't even want to bathe herself because it meant touching herself. And as bad as that was the trial was almost worse & I almost don't blame any person for wanting to keep silent but you can't you have to speak out you have to make sure they do not do it to someone else. I'm writing this to say that this even now is an ongoing process because he is now out of jail & attempting to contact my wife once again & will soon be picked up again & sent back to jail. This entire thing has been a long difficult process & my wife being so strong has actually come out of this with a new sense of purpose. She's more active in church & the community and volunteers for a rape crisis center & is about to change careers & become a social worker. Look if it was up to me & if I could have I would have killed the guy I would have stabbed him in the gut & tied him up in the back yard to let him bleed out slowly but I wasn't allowed that opportunity so I've had to sit back & let the law handle it. Please if this has happened to you & or if it ever does please speak up do not fall silently into the background. And if someone is reading this that has inflicted this crime upon someone smash you're balls between two jagged rocks & don't I repeat DO NOT seek medical attention.
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Monday, May 10, 2010

Lena Horne

Lena HorneLena Horne via last.fm

Born June 30th 1917 in Brooklyn,NY she would grow up to be considered one of the most beautiful & talented women in show business history & sadly she had to deal with what people of color in this country are still having to deal with all these years later. You would think that a woman that beautiful that could really sing & really dance & really act would not have to go through what she went through but she did. She stood up for what was right even though civil rights in those days was a NO NO! Did you know that they wanted to present her as an "exotic Latina" but she refused even though it meant super stardom for her right out of the box.. how about she marched with Dr.Martin Luther King the day of his "I have a dream speech"..no well did you know that in the 50's she was blacklisted during the red hunting McCarthy sympathizers in Hollywood? That being said she was also one of the first black performers to ever front a "white band" & in 1943 she led an all black cast in the movie "Stormy Weather" which was a hit & the title song sang by her became a monster hit & an instant classic but even with that she found herself the target of racial slurs coming from a jackass in an L.A. restaurant so what did she do..she threw a lamp at him. She was once asked about one her ex husbands who was white & she replied "I married him to get back at him". Hey have you ever seen an old movie & all of a sudden theirs a musical scene with some black performers that seemingly had nothing to do with the movie well it was to show some black faces to get "black dollars" & so that it could be easily cut out of the movie without affecting the plot when the movie showed in the backwards south. Well I could not let the passing of this truly great woman go by without dropping a few lines about her & I will leave you with this quote from her "I don't have to be an imitation of a white woman that Hollywood sort of hoped I'd become I'm me & I'm like nobody else."
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Friday, May 7, 2010

Getting Old Sucks!!!!!!!!!

Old man with MonkeyImage by Charming Potion via Flickr

I was looking at my hair in the mirror & it looked like a green lawn that has spots of dandelions on it I mean the gray hairs are here & there & it looks nasty its not uniform at all. Now here's a list of my health problems.. high blood pressure achillies tendon is a knot in both legs radial tunnel in both arms really bad back bad right shoulder bad knees from sports trick left ankle that I can make pop & I need a contact lens in my left eye yes just my left....You know what else is funny when you get old everything looks higher than it is. I went to step off a little ledge that was maybe 2feet of of the ground but it looked it was twenty feet. I kinda hung my leg over & leaned hoping my foot would touch the ground below then I made that loud "hup" noise as I landed on both feet. I used to love driving at night but now I don't see the road as well as I did & going downtown at anytime of day is nerve wracking now I can hardly sleep the night before thinking about my impending downtown trek. About the only thing that has maintained is my desire for sex or anything that ends in an orgasm & I can go two or three times in an hour but I have definitely noticed my erections are only about 80% as rigid as they were a few years ago hey I can orgasm out of a completely limp penis ..seriously & the older I get the more jaded I get. When I was a teenager all a girl had to say was yes & I would get an instant erection but now she has to use her mouth both hands & a foot on me at the same time for me to get it up. Oh about the gray hair I know you're wondering no I don't have any gray hair down there but my wife does & hates it I myself like it I told her that it makes her cooch look seasoned or distinguished. Also now is the first time in my life when I have thought hey if my son gets a stick up his ass & decides to try the old man that I may not be able to weather the storm. I still swell up at him & look him dead in the eye like a snake that's sure of its poison but on the inside I'm saying I hope this bluff works because my back is killing me & my nerve damaged arms are burning. I still in my mind feel 20 but it's all in my mind..I still love anime & damn near any other cartoon & will sit with my niece for hours watching sponge bob & laughing as much as she does. And even my well dressed title is in great jeopardy because I will walk around in hole filled jeans with a tee shirt & because I have on a swiss made timepiece I still feel that I look good but its all a sham I know even my favorite Invicta can't raise up an old shirt with the letters peeling off of the front & even more shocking is I don't care. Damn damn damn you know I used to be able to flirt with girls in their early 20s because I looked in my late twenties but not anymore I look & walk like an old perv now all hunched over watching her ass as she walks by. Getting old sucks!!!!
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Monday, May 3, 2010

Im all over the place..

Greasy JuxtapositionImage by CarbonNYC via Flickr

I'm all over the board with this post so bear with me. OK first thing is I am now getting epidural shots in my back for the pain & immediately after the shots it feels like I've been hit in the back with a bat & it doesn't get much better over the next couple of days afterward but the Doctors swear it will help. My friend said I need to lawyer up because it looks like I wont be going back to work at that company again so I am taking her advice and going this week. Now off the road we go..my same friend has bloomed late in life. She is almost 30 & was very thin growing up & always wanted to fill out especially her butt & boom here she is pushing 30 & now shes pushing a world class ass around. I mean it popped up over night! Shes excited & I'm excited for her she says she owes it all to fast food grease haha.. Now me & the wife got in an argument no no not over the friend but well kinda..ok ok me & the friend were having a discussion about that show "What Chili Wants" on VH1 & her list for the perfect man & the friends husband seem to meet every condition on the list. Handsome, does not eat pork, grew up in the church, but the only thing we got hung up on was his thing. See Chili wants a guy with a "monster" thing as she put it & the friends husband is standing tall at 10inches ..now does that count as a monster because the friend said "its big but monster I don't know" so I asked the wife & here's where the argument ensued because I worded as "hey is 10inches a monster"? she replies "I don't know why are you asking me"? Here's where it went off of the tracks I replied "you've been around you'd know big from a monster".....Yep I said it & I didn't think it was bad until she roared "what am I a fucking whore fuck you"! Ah WOW..I said "hey I consider anyone who's been with more than a dozen people male or female as having been around". Well after an hour of explaining & apologizing it was safe for me to turn my back on her. And after much debate my eldest son has left me no other choice but to take him to the Army recruiters office this week & enlist. I don't want to send him but he is quickly becoming that guy that you hear about that sleeps on a friends sofa eating cereal all day & watching porn & walking around the neighborhood like he's the mayor..yeah he's gotta go. Last thing I wasted $54 on that sorry excuse for a ppv fight Saturday & I feel like I don't deserve to make another thin dime if I'm going to waste it like that. I've seen more action between old people elbowing for a spot in front of the fresh tray of fish at the all you can eat place..oh well
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